Sort, damnit, has taken shape during the hours of 9 – 5 in the back alleys sandwiched between grey government offices and a delicious Chinese dumpling restaurant.
Beginning November 16, foreigners living in, entering or leaving Japan will be tested on their ability to use chopsticks. Those who fail to demonstrate “appropriate mastery of chopsticks scheme” will be deported immeadiately to their home country or Canada at their own expense.
Almost all foreigners are expected to fail.
The Brutal Times has learned that Narita Airport, point of entry and departure for so many foreigners wishing to come to Japon to sex Japanese woman, take advantage of high Japanese yen and so on, has erected 50 high definition Sony HD Chopstick Testing Devices, or CHUDD, named after the popular 1980′s horror film adored by many Americans, to scan and grope the testes of testees. Haneda Airport is also strictly enforcing a policy of CHUDD chopstick testing of all foreingers who think they’ll just sneak off for a good time in nearby Thailand.
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